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Jerking off or talking about doing so with someone else was as close as I could get at the time to admitting same-sex desire, by labeling it simple boyish curiosity. As in every fetish community, the fear of being outed as a participant in something deemed weird or pervy keeps many people, including bators, in the closet about their interests. Either way, why turn away perfectly good companionship just because the context has changed? John Taggart for BuzzFeed News. Mutual masturbation is about the safest sex you can have with another person, and, unlike many common sex acts between men, requires virtually no preparation. Some men I spoke to recounted experimentations with straight friends that ranged from watching porn together to jerking each other off, and for the ones who now identify as gay, these episodes reverberate intensely. I am likely both too repressed and too vanilla to ever be a gooner of any distinction, but the term speaks to the existence of a community of men for whom masturbation is a serious and important aspect of their sexuality.

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Rayna. Age: 20.
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My earliest sexual experiences involved mutual masturbation — at sleepovers, in someone's unchaperoned basement, or over Skype — but I have often been afraid to admit how formative I believe those early, secret explorations were to my sexual development.

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Cara. Age: 32.
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It is the base unit of casual sex among men, and lends itself to cruising and other non-bedroom rendezvous. New York Jacks is aimed at these men, most of them gay, who are interested in group masturbation — witnessing it, participating in it, and making like-minded friends. With the chipper, big-brother gentleness of a sophomore at freshman orientation, he pointed us around the space. Contact John Sherman at johnsh3rman gmail.

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